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 Post subject: Re: Ed will kick your ass!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 5:32 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:08 am
Posts: 2153
Location: Papillion, NE
Glad you like it Greg. I may go import the ones from my Blog too...just so they are all here.


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 Post subject: Re: Ed will kick your ass!
PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:41 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:08 am
Posts: 2153
Location: Papillion, NE
I am an United States Air Force aviator,
I will not drink.

But, if I drink I will not get drunk,

But, if I get drunk I will not fall down,

But, if I fall down....

I'll fall face down so no one can see my wings.


Last edited by EdKeener on Thu Sep 22, 2011 5:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Ed will kick your ass!
PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:31 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 4:52 am
Posts: 438
Location: Heaven Bound
Oddly enough that is the same motto of the United Airlines pilots :lol:

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I died in an issue of PROOF, I owned a strip-club in an issue of BOMB QUEEN & I created Sumo Rabbi Cyborg in COWBOY NINJA VIKING....basically I am cooler than you.

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 Post subject: Re: Ed will kick your ass!
PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:10 am 
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Posts: 2153
Location: Papillion, NE
One day laying in my cot over in the desert I was suddenly awakened to the imminent attack alarm going off. Now in the military we have these systems set up that blare quite loudly and each different sound that comes out tells you what type of attack could be coming. In this instance after listening for a few seconds I knew that the alarm was sounding an immenent biohazard attack.

I grab my gasmask and pop open a real life filter get it all hooked and head out to the nearest "bunker". Now at this time we didnt' have any real underground bunkers. What he had were cardboard boxes wrapped in chickenwire and filled with sand. Which I guess would work great as long as the explosion from any bomb was only 3 feet high. But that's an entirely different matter all together.

So the alarm finally stops, and everyone is released to go back about their business. There was no attack, but we still had to carry our gear around with us. Once we go in to work there is a sign posted that you shouldn't use your real world cannisters at this time. We all kind of look around at each other funny. Why in the world wouldn't we use our real world stuff? There was a real world alarm?!

Anyway the deployment goes off without incident from then on. Until I get back and go to turn my gear in. They inventory it and go "Hey you're a canister short. You owes $120.00."

"Um...no."

"No? You're missing a canister. You have to pay for it."

"No. I'm not."

"And why do you think you don't have to pay for it?"

"Well you see I was in a war zone. One morning the alarm went off, and I had to open the cannister."

"No you didn't. You only use them if there was an actual attack."

"Think about what you just said. If there was an actual attack, and I waited to put my good cannister on until said attack, wouldn't it be a little late to put on the cannister then?"

"Um...I guess so."

"Then I ain't paying you." And I turn and leave the building.

Later that day I get called in to the first sergeants office and get reamed for being mean to the poor airman over at base supply.

But I didn't have to pay the $120.00.


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 Post subject: Re: Ed will kick your ass!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 7:04 am 
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Posts: 2153
Location: Papillion, NE
Haven't put anything up here in awhile so here's some other military type stuff. These are not mine, but I like them:

Some (supposedly) actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews...

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1:"#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't t."
Signed off :"IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed..."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That s what they re there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."


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 Post subject: Re: Ed will kick your ass!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 7:13 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:08 am
Posts: 2153
Location: Papillion, NE
Airplanes vs. Women

* Airplanes usually kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.

* Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.

* Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."

* Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection.

* Airplanes come with a manual to explain their operation.

* Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.

* Airplanes can be flown at any time of the month.

* Airplanes don't come with in-laws.

* Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.

* Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.

* Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.

* Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.

* Airplanes expect to be tied down.

* Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.

* Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.

* However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.


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 Post subject: Re: Ed will kick your ass!
PostPosted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 10:42 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:08 am
Posts: 2153
Location: Papillion, NE
Well looks like retirement won't be enough to keep me out of the Middle East. Heading back over in early November.
Hopefully I'll have some more stories to share!


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 Post subject: Re: Ed will kick your ass!
PostPosted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 5:12 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 5:41 am
Posts: 784
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Stay safe, Ed!

What will your role be over there?

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 Post subject: Re: Ed will kick your ass!
PostPosted: Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:17 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:08 am
Posts: 2153
Location: Papillion, NE
Just computer support. I should be really safe. Plus I'll get a little extra cash, so even though I'm missing the holidays that'll help when I get back. And at least now we have things like Skype and FaceTime instead of just one 10 minute call a week.


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 Post subject: Re: Ed will kick your ass!
PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:43 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:08 am
Posts: 2153
Location: Papillion, NE
So the other night a fog rolled in, like thick fog. You could maybe see about 15 feet down the road. It seriously was like Silent Hill out here. Which made for quite and interesting drive back to our house. But on a good note at least the locals were all pulled over and stopped on the side of the road.

Driving over here is really interesting. I'm usually not the happiest of drivers while in the states, but over here there seems to be a method to the driving. They all drive crazy, but at least the majority follow some sort of unwritten rules. The only thing that still kind of bothers me after 3 weeks is the freaking traffic circles. There is a special place of torment for whichever engineer designed those things and thought they would be a good idea.


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